Secret Santa
by LadyMris
Summary: Tony has been injured and receives a late night visitor. This story follows cannon until just before the Christmas episode (season 11) and goes AU. Short, angsty, oneshot. Tiva. Updated with a chapter 2. Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note: Hey all! This is just a quick, little angsty oneshot I needed to get out of my brain. Still missing, Ziva! But wishing all of you Happy Holidays!**

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Snow covered the cars in the parking until they looked like small hills of white. Strings of Christmas lights blinked around the large window and a small tree stood in the corner by a wall clock. There was even a menorah on a side table. It was clear the staff had done their best to make the waiting room festive; but as much as they tried the distinct scent of a hospital lingered in the air.

Ziva's shoulders were tense as she stared out the hospital window. From her perch in the second floor waiting room, she could clearly see everyone who entered and left through the hospital's parking lot entrances. She turned and looked at the wall clock. It was 2:37am.

She'd seen Gibbs leave the hospital with Abby and McGee around 1am; they'd dug the Dodge Charger out from under the snow and driven off. She waited after they left, waited to make sure Tony was truly asleep.

Seeing Gibbs and the others, even from afar, was painful enough. Going to see Tony in a hospital bed would be so much harder_. Damnit, Tony, you were supposed to keep yourself safe._

"We just cut a Christmas eve cake," said the nurse who poked her head into the waiting room now for the third time, "care for a piece, hon?"

"No," Ziva replied, "thank you. I am going to see my friend in a moment. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas to you too," the nurse said. "I hope your friend gets out of here quick!"

Ziva nodded then watched as the nurse disappeared down the hall. She knew if it wasn't for the scrubs and fake hospital ID she was wearing they'd have kicked her out of the hospital long ago. She was sure Gibbs had put up a fight and lost to the nurses in the end. He'd have wanted to stay with Tony on Christmas eve. Ziva was never so grateful for hospital Bureaucracy.

She left the waiting room and went to the elevators. Before too long she was on the seventh floor heading for Tony's room. He wasn't in intensive care but critical care. She found out that he'd been stabbed last night on a case; that they removed a portion of his spleen. Thankfully, it was only a small portion and he would not lose spleen function. But he'd lost a lot of blood and Ziva was fully aware what stress that put on the body. However, as far as all doctor reports went; Tony would make a full recovery in a matter of weeks.

She should have stayed away. She should have continued on the path she was on; but she couldn't. She couldn't stay away, she had to see him, to touch him even if just for a moment; even if just to reassure herself that he was all right. So she came to the hospital and hid from the others, waited until it was late, dark and she could slip into his room unnoticed. And now she stood just outside his room, no one around but the late duty nurses at the station around the corner.

Ziva stared at the quickly scrawled _DiNozzo_ near his door and placed her hand on the doorframe. The curtain was pulled around his bed and she realized only that flimsy fabric stood between her and seeing his face again. She took a careful step into the room and glanced around; making sure no one else was there.

Her steps became unsteady as she started to round the curtain - in one more step she'd see his face. Ziva drew in a deep breath as tears cornered her eyes. She looked to the side and saw a chair against the wall. She put her coat and bag down on it before turning back and closing his room door.

Steadying herself, Ziva wiped away the tears that spilled onto her cheeks and moved around the curtain to see Tony.

Ziva wasn't prepared for the emotion that surged through her at seeing Tony...at seeing Tony like this. Hot tears spilled from her eyes as guilt practically choked her. She wasn't there to have his back, she wasn't there to protect him from that damn knife. But she was protecting him...she had to hold onto that.

Taking a step forward, Ziva grabbed onto the rail at the side of Tony's bed and simply stared at him. His breathing was even. He was hooked up to an IV and a pain machine but that was all. She was grateful that this was all he required and not some extensive machine hookup. It meant they thought him already on the road to recovery.

She lowered the bed rail, not wanting to be kept so far away from him, and leaned closer to Tony. Her heart sped as she reached to touch his cheek and stopped just short. Ziva was afraid she'd wake him and she didn't want him to know she was here. No, he couldn't know she'd come.

But seeing him, being this close brought so many emotions to the surface that she'd tried hard to suppress but never really could. The only happiness she'd found in these many months was recalling those few days with Tony in Israel; recalling the bullpen and Tony's silliness. The time he'd rigged her chair to fall or shaking the coffee cream to make cappuccino. Telling Aunt Nettie he was her husband and he'd rip out her intestines if she called again; trying to break into her email or hurling spitballs at her. This should have all driven her crazy instead they were the most precious memories she had.

"Do you remember," Ziva started in a hushed whisper that was nothing more than a low breath, "late night falafels? Pizza in Observation? Or is it all burgers in the van?"

Ziva smiled and wiped her cheeks, "I remember that horrible grizzly man documentary you made me watch and reading movies for morons so I could get more of your references. And that silent pirate movie in the bullpen...I wish that night had gone differently. I wish so many things, Tony."

Ziva lowered her head before wiping her tears away again, they didn't seem to want to stop. "You drove me crazy in so many ways. I loved you for a long time, Tony, but I was never sure how you felt about me...not truly until Israel. There were times I thought maybe...I don't know why we never-"

Leaning forward, Ziva slipped her fingers into his hair and simply stared for a long, long while. "My only regret, Tony, is that I came into your life. My only joy is that you were in mine. I will never let this touch you."

Ziva glanced at her watch and realized she'd been there for hours. The morning nurses would soon come in and check on him and Gibbs would be right behind them; it was time to leave. She pulled back and went to her bag; retrieved a wrapped gift box and placed it by Tony's night stand.

"I wanted to get you so many things," she whispered. "Top of my list was a new car but I knew you would go crazy trying to find out who bought it and it proved difficult to figure a way to convince you Santa just gave it to you," she chuckled to herself. "So, since I know you renew your subscription in January I decided to get you a subscription to GSM. First new issue is in the box. Monthly magazines will be sent to your desk as always. Maybe now and then when you pick it up you will remember page 57...I do."

Ziva put her hand on the rail to pull it back up then stopped. She looked at Tony and her body shook, "I do not want to go," she cried before her hand snapped to her mouth; she said it too loud. She stood over Tony afraid he'd open his eyes and afraid he wouldn't.

Long moments passed but Tony still slept. She needed to leave...she needed to leave now.

Ziva bent over Tony and lightly placed a soft kiss on his lips. She felt him stir and in a blink she'd put the rail in place and vanished from the room.

Ziva passed several nurses who didn't give her a second look in her outfit. She heard the elevator ding and just knew Gibbs would step off. She pushed the door to the stairwell open and slipped through. Halfway down the stairs towards the ground floor Ziva stopped, took a seat on a step and sobbed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok, Yes, I couldn't just leave it at that!**

**NCIS: owned at CBS..blah..blah.**

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"I miss you so much, Tony," Ziva whispered into the dark. "Pretty ironic that tonight I would be asked to wait here."

Ziva tapped the side wall of the metal shipping container she stood in. She was at the Virginia docks inside a warehouse and inside container 102389. The gun at the small of her back pressed into her flesh and she found it a reminder of her lies. _I will let go of the badge_.

Everything reminded her of Tony. This damn box, the gun, the feel of his lips on hers. Those days in Israel...so few. She'd told him she needed to do this alone. She needed to find out what kind of life she could carve out for herself. But when he said he'd give everything up and find that life with her it was all she could do to not shatter to pieces. It was all she could do to convince him she did not want him to be part of that new life; that he was a constant reminder of the past. Every word, every lie uttered from her lips to him felt like a new wound in her heart.

As much as she had wanted him to open his eyes and see her; she knew it would've ruined everything.

"Ziva?"

Ziva turned as a lantern illuminated the metal interior of the box. "I am here, Madame Secretary."

Sarah Porter entered the shipping container and closed the door behind her with a clang. Ziva caught a glimpse of SecNav's security person waiting just beyond the door before it closed. "Did everything go well?" Porter asked as she placed the lantern down on a crate.

"If you are asking if Tony or anyone saw me," Ziva straightened and faced Porter, "the answer is no they did not."

Porter nodded, "But perhaps they should, Ziva?"

"I do not want them involved," Ziva stated firmly. "We have had this discussion. The only thing I ask in return for my services are that they are kept safe."

Porter pulled out a file and set it on the crate, "What is your status now?"

"Contact has been established," Ziva swallowed hard, "it took longer than I anticipated for them to seek me out but it happened a few weeks ago. I am dealing with one of Parsa's intermediaries. My understanding is they are going to be putting me through a series of tests in the coming weeks."

"What kind of tests?" Porter asked.

"I am not certain but I assume loyalty tests and they are going to want to see if my allegiances to Israel and the US have been severed," Ziva glanced down before looking Porter in the eyes, "They will not be easy tests."

"I understand," Porter acknowledged, "but remember you are covered with the code I gave you if you have to come in from the cold."

"I will see this mission to its conclusion," Ziva stated. "I ask however...if it is true, if there is a massive attack planned on DC that you please find a way to get them out of DC before anything happens. I will give my life to stop this but I am trusting you to protect those I love."

Ziva struggled to keep her emotion in check as she stared into Porter's eyes, trying to gauge if she'd honor her request or merely play it lip service.

"I promise you," Porter assured, "I will order them to a new and lengthy temporary assignment out of DC if we find out there is an imminent attack on the horizon."

Ziva nodded, "Thank you."

"This file contains a copy of your Will as per your request, all the information we have collected on Parsa and his group since we last spoke and the IDs of the SEAL team assigned as your backup. Put it to memory-"

"And burn it," Ziva finished. "And the other thing?"

Porter nodded, "We have stored your blood and have everything in place. If we need to inform Agent DiNozzo, Gibbs, McGee of your passing they will be told you were killed in a car accident in Jordan while helping refugees in one of the camps and forensic evidence will be sent to Dr. Mallard. But," Porter leaned forward and patted Ziva's hand, "Are you sure? Are you sure you want to handle it this way? Don't they deserve to know you died protecting them?"

"I never want them to know," Ziva snapped. "It would just hurt them and I have hurt them enough." She took a deep, steadying breath, "I think that is everything?"

"Yes," Porter nodded, "except..." She pulled out a small box from her briefcase and handed it to Ziva, "This was intercepted. Agent DiNozzo sent it to your family house in Israel. I had it stopped in the mail. I didn't want Mossad to get a whiff of anything regarding you."

"Did you look inside?" Ziva asked softly as she cradled the box in her hands.

"Yes," Porter confirmed. "It is personal." She smiled at Ziva then grabbed her briefcase, "Happy Holiday's, Ziva and good luck."

"Thank you, Madame Secretary," Ziva grinned.

"Call me, Sarah," she said before giving Ziva a good luck nod and exiting the container.

Porter left her the lantern and Ziva intended to wait awhile before exiting in the event anyone saw them. She glanced at the box in her hand; the tape had been sliced open but she could still see Tony's handwriting and the address of the grove house.

She wasn't sure what she should do. It felt like a Pandora's box, like a heavy weight filled with emotion she wasn't sure she could handle right now. But she had to know... hard to leave a box unopened; Tony really did rub off on her.

Ziva opened the brown flaps to reveal a note and a small gift box wrapped in red and gold paper and tied with a red ribbon. She picked up the note and read;

You owe me a Secret Santa gift! -T

Ziva laughed through the tears that edged her eyes, "Not anymore, DiNozzo. You have a whole year of gawking at half naked women coming to you."

Ziva carefully unwrapped the present wanting to savior the only gift she would receive this year and soon revealed a square, blue box under the wrapping. She lifted the lid and saw a shiny set of brass keys inside. The keychain they were attached to had a note card inside a thin, silver frame. The note card had Tony's address neatly written in script. Ziva picked up the keys and saw that the other side of the note card read;

_Here you are loved._

_Come home to me._

"I love you, Anthony DiNozzo," Ziva whispered to herself, "So very much. Merry Christmas, Tony."

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**Author's Note: This story has the same theme as One More Day. In the New Year I will likely write a companion piece with some action and my resolution of Parsa. So it'll be totally AU.**

**I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and Happy Holiday this season. I hope the New Year brings great happiness to all. And I hope Ziva returns in the New Year. Take care, all!**


End file.
